RED MARBLES
I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes. I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas..
I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
'Hello Barry, how are you today?'
'H'lo , Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'
'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'
'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.'
'Good. Anything I can help you with?'
'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.'
'Would you like to take some home ?' asked Mr.. Miller.
'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'
'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'
'All I got's my prize marble here.'
'Is that right? Let me see it' said Miller..
'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.'
'I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home ?' the store owner asked.
'Not zackley but almost..'
'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'.. Mr. Miller told the boy.
'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'
Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.. With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store..'
I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr... Miller had died.
They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in a Marine officer's uniform, one in his Navy Dress Blues and the other in the uniform of an Army Special Forces captain.....all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket..
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one; each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.
'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about colour or size.....they came to pay their debt.'
'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho.'
With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband.. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.
The Moral: We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds.... Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.....
Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself...An unexpected phone call from an old friend...Green traffic lights on your way to work....The fastest line at the grocery store...A good sing-along song on the radio...Your keys found right where you left them.
Send this to the people you'll never forget.. I just Did....
If you don't send it to anyone, it means you are in way too much of a hurry to even notice the ordinary miracles when they occur.
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
More old postings
3 old blogs. lol
Dec 30 06
Just around 94 hours till hubby comes home!! i am so happy!! I can't wait! Its been a long stressful lonely year. I am thankful for the friends i do have though.
I need to make sure to relax and not stress out with getting done what i need to get done.
I love this man so much. He's been such a blessing to me, and regardless of what happens, he's there. I love him and am so thankful that he loves me.
I can't wait for Lizzie to "meet" her daddy again. She looks for him now. Its soo cute and heartbreaking for me at the same time. She is just gonna eat him up, and love on the fact that she has a daddy just like everyone else. She might not let him go and never look at me again!! Shes been super clingy lately, i think she feels my stress.
WOO HOO.
Feb 07
Just figured i would do an update, as it seems that the last blog has been up forever.
Kevin got home on the 3rd of Jan. Its awesome having him home. Lizzie just loves him and when he's there, its all about daddy.
She is now walking and tries to run, its just too cute!!
Just always love it when things that are going good can just mess up for ya... We have to move asap because the owners didn't pay their mortgage for like 6 months. fun fun!! then we're moving in 2 months to NY as well. blah!!
Lots of surprises coming up!!
Happy Birthday Honey!!!
march 07
just a quick hi. we finally got our orders, guess its official. blah. I am finally getting Lizzie's first pics since she turned 1 done today. She just so smart and wonderful. and very very much knows what she does and DOES NOT want. lol.
its a dreary rainy day today. blah. supposed to get cold again. blah. i hate the cold. yes, me, i despise the cold. i much prefer warmer climates.
oh well, just wanted to do a small update....
Dec 30 06
Just around 94 hours till hubby comes home!! i am so happy!! I can't wait! Its been a long stressful lonely year. I am thankful for the friends i do have though.
I need to make sure to relax and not stress out with getting done what i need to get done.
I love this man so much. He's been such a blessing to me, and regardless of what happens, he's there. I love him and am so thankful that he loves me.
I can't wait for Lizzie to "meet" her daddy again. She looks for him now. Its soo cute and heartbreaking for me at the same time. She is just gonna eat him up, and love on the fact that she has a daddy just like everyone else. She might not let him go and never look at me again!! Shes been super clingy lately, i think she feels my stress.
WOO HOO.
Feb 07
Just figured i would do an update, as it seems that the last blog has been up forever.
Kevin got home on the 3rd of Jan. Its awesome having him home. Lizzie just loves him and when he's there, its all about daddy.
She is now walking and tries to run, its just too cute!!
Just always love it when things that are going good can just mess up for ya... We have to move asap because the owners didn't pay their mortgage for like 6 months. fun fun!! then we're moving in 2 months to NY as well. blah!!
Lots of surprises coming up!!
Happy Birthday Honey!!!
march 07
just a quick hi. we finally got our orders, guess its official. blah. I am finally getting Lizzie's first pics since she turned 1 done today. She just so smart and wonderful. and very very much knows what she does and DOES NOT want. lol.
its a dreary rainy day today. blah. supposed to get cold again. blah. i hate the cold. yes, me, i despise the cold. i much prefer warmer climates.
oh well, just wanted to do a small update....
Yet more old posts
april 7 07
Well, the move is coming up fast. It never ceases to amaze me how fast things move. How fast time flies, how fast kids grow up. I can't believe that Lizzie is already less than 10 days till she's 16 months old. And i really can't believe that I am 12 weeks preggo.. its just like, whoa, slow down, I'm still tired from 2 months ago! lol.
I've loved NC, always felt like it was home... But it is time to move on. ever since the break in, I've not felt like i was at home anymore. It helps with Kev here, but its just like the "contentment" of being here is gone. Never in a million years did I think that we would be moving north. Its like, ummm, wait, we don't' wanna go there, the south is better. WARM is better. west is better. anything is better. but i guess it could be worse... oh well. Time to stop whining.
The morning sickness is getting better, but every time i say it, it seems to get worse. blah.
I will miss my dear friends and hope that we can stay in touch. I suck at it quite a bit. But i do think of ya.
Starting on the 18th, my ability to check email and get on here will be greatly diminished. till we get a place. blah.
oh well, guess i had better go, things to do, and I'm hungry again.
Well, the move is coming up fast. It never ceases to amaze me how fast things move. How fast time flies, how fast kids grow up. I can't believe that Lizzie is already less than 10 days till she's 16 months old. And i really can't believe that I am 12 weeks preggo.. its just like, whoa, slow down, I'm still tired from 2 months ago! lol.
I've loved NC, always felt like it was home... But it is time to move on. ever since the break in, I've not felt like i was at home anymore. It helps with Kev here, but its just like the "contentment" of being here is gone. Never in a million years did I think that we would be moving north. Its like, ummm, wait, we don't' wanna go there, the south is better. WARM is better. west is better. anything is better. but i guess it could be worse... oh well. Time to stop whining.
The morning sickness is getting better, but every time i say it, it seems to get worse. blah.
I will miss my dear friends and hope that we can stay in touch. I suck at it quite a bit. But i do think of ya.
Starting on the 18th, my ability to check email and get on here will be greatly diminished. till we get a place. blah.
oh well, guess i had better go, things to do, and I'm hungry again.
more old posts
April 13 07
OK, so this is the last weekend. We don't' leave town till the 1st though. Should (hopefully) be on line, in just over a month, well, consistently on line.
I'm doing much better, bigger belly, but next to no morning sickness left. Yay.
Lizzie's doing good. she's 32 inches tall and 24lbs. Strong willed and stubborn. The sweetest thing in the world too. gives great kisses and hugs.
Well, just wanted to give a heads up. At the end of next month I'll be halfway done with my pregnancy... sooo unreal! i cant' believe I'm already 13.5 weeks preggo.... time is FLYING!!
Love ya
OK, so this is the last weekend. We don't' leave town till the 1st though. Should (hopefully) be on line, in just over a month, well, consistently on line.
I'm doing much better, bigger belly, but next to no morning sickness left. Yay.
Lizzie's doing good. she's 32 inches tall and 24lbs. Strong willed and stubborn. The sweetest thing in the world too. gives great kisses and hugs.
Well, just wanted to give a heads up. At the end of next month I'll be halfway done with my pregnancy... sooo unreal! i cant' believe I'm already 13.5 weeks preggo.... time is FLYING!!
Love ya
More old Posts.
April 07 from old blog
Leaving the good ole fayetteville. So unreal! Oh well, been a long time coming, I've been ready to leave, but Its hard to go to a new place. I'm going to miss my friends here, PWOC, my church. Its been tough, being displaced for going on 10 days, staying at a friends. Poor kittens are in a kennel, but we pick them up Tuesday before we leave.
I cherish my Spunky moms and my Jan moms very much. Not to mention my hubby, for which I couldn't' do anything without. My little Jan baby who is teething and just miserable sometimes, and confused the rest of the time. All her stuff is gone, her kitties are missing, and she's bored. I'd act out too!
When we leave here, we're going to visit family for 10 days or so, then to NY. UPSTATE NY. May the next 3 winters be VERY VERY mild!!
To my unborn. I am sorry for not picking up my paperwork earlier for the test i had done in feb. I hope and pray that you have not been harmed from the problem they found. I look forward to meeting you in October.
Well, its dinner time and i should go get something and help out my hubby. I love him so much, even though i let stress get to me too much sometimes and I fuss too much. Love you Babe!!
Later Peeps!
Leaving the good ole fayetteville. So unreal! Oh well, been a long time coming, I've been ready to leave, but Its hard to go to a new place. I'm going to miss my friends here, PWOC, my church. Its been tough, being displaced for going on 10 days, staying at a friends. Poor kittens are in a kennel, but we pick them up Tuesday before we leave.
I cherish my Spunky moms and my Jan moms very much. Not to mention my hubby, for which I couldn't' do anything without. My little Jan baby who is teething and just miserable sometimes, and confused the rest of the time. All her stuff is gone, her kitties are missing, and she's bored. I'd act out too!
When we leave here, we're going to visit family for 10 days or so, then to NY. UPSTATE NY. May the next 3 winters be VERY VERY mild!!
To my unborn. I am sorry for not picking up my paperwork earlier for the test i had done in feb. I hope and pray that you have not been harmed from the problem they found. I look forward to meeting you in October.
Well, its dinner time and i should go get something and help out my hubby. I love him so much, even though i let stress get to me too much sometimes and I fuss too much. Love you Babe!!
Later Peeps!
June 07 from old blog
More From Myspace blog
internet is up and running, finally.
belly still growing, I am 20 weeks and 2 days today. baby is an avid exerciser, lol. my only exercise is chasing Lizzie all over creation and going up and down the staircase at our house..
For the most part, i feel great, get tired really easy, but that's to be expected.
Drum is OK... haven't been here long enough to make a big judgment call on it... it'll do, not like we will live here forever (I hope!) lol.
Lizzie is full swing into the terrible twos(started when she turned one) hopefully that means that she'll be done sooner... i hope! She loves to assert her independence... little stinker! lol. She's soo smart and loving and sweet when she wants to be. I converted her crib into a toddler bed... I'll give it the weekend and see how it goes then make my decision about putting the crib back together Sunday night.
ummm, Dr appt the 7th, just routine (OB) got my consult for cardiology, so i'll make that appt on Monday.
the movers broke our washer,so we have to go to the stinky laundromat. blah. I did 11 loads today.
i feel like it will be forever till the house is straight. our book cases and media towers got broke and our computer desk was broken before we moved the second time, so blah.
I can't wait to put the baby's room together. and i cant' wait till i know if i can do it all boyish. I'm excited.
well, ummm, i think that's all for now.
Have a great weekend!!
internet is up and running, finally.
belly still growing, I am 20 weeks and 2 days today. baby is an avid exerciser, lol. my only exercise is chasing Lizzie all over creation and going up and down the staircase at our house..
For the most part, i feel great, get tired really easy, but that's to be expected.
Drum is OK... haven't been here long enough to make a big judgment call on it... it'll do, not like we will live here forever (I hope!) lol.
Lizzie is full swing into the terrible twos(started when she turned one) hopefully that means that she'll be done sooner... i hope! She loves to assert her independence... little stinker! lol. She's soo smart and loving and sweet when she wants to be. I converted her crib into a toddler bed... I'll give it the weekend and see how it goes then make my decision about putting the crib back together Sunday night.
ummm, Dr appt the 7th, just routine (OB) got my consult for cardiology, so i'll make that appt on Monday.
the movers broke our washer,so we have to go to the stinky laundromat. blah. I did 11 loads today.
i feel like it will be forever till the house is straight. our book cases and media towers got broke and our computer desk was broken before we moved the second time, so blah.
I can't wait to put the baby's room together. and i cant' wait till i know if i can do it all boyish. I'm excited.
well, ummm, i think that's all for now.
Have a great weekend!!
More Backward Postings from my old blog.
From myspace blog, approx 5 weeks before AJ was born.
We are doing OK, we did end up at Fort Drum, for those of you that hadn't' heard. NY is not what i expected. This is a smaller post than Ft Bragg, so its taking some to get used to, Watertown is about 20-25 minutes away, depending on traffic. They have some nicer restaurants, but from what i understand, they only got here in the last year and a half.
Lizzie is doing well, she's growing and her personality is expanding. She is very independent, despite the sudden clingyness she's experiencing, but its the age and its not as bad as other kids I've heard about so that's good. She has a head full of huge curls, she turned 20 months last Friday and at her 18 month appt (2 months ago) she weighed 24.9 lbs and was 32.5 inches tall. She wears 18months to 3Ts, yes, a large range. lol. She SEEMS very excited to be getting a new baby. She hugs and kisses my belly, announces baby to everyone whenever she see's one, lifts up my shirt and announces when we're out that there is a baby in there. She knows the baby's stuff is in the baby's' room, so we'll see. She watches birth day and baby story with me.
The baby is a boy, his name will be Aric James. As of yesterday, they are guesstimating that he is 4 to 4.5 lbs right now. He has hair as well. He is a big mover and loves to move at night before i go to sleep. tomorrow he will be 32 weeks along. I have been told they will not stop labor after 34 weeks. He will be born in Syracuse, as opposed to up here, as they are being overly cautious due to my heart, no reason for them to be, they just are.
Kevin's unit is deploying in a few weeks. He is not deploying in a few weeks, but he is deploying in Jan or so. I'm thankful that he gets to be home for the birth and has time for connection with Aric and Lizzie. She just loves her daddy so much, i hope that she transitions well to having a brother and to her daddy leaving again.
The weather here is crazy. when we got here in may, it was in the 40s, now its high of 70, still cold. we've had hot days, but nothing like down in NC, but when you get used to 60s, 80s seems hot. lol. I guess that's cause we're so close to Canada. (30 miles or so)
I am doing OK for the most part, this pregnancy has been harder on my body than Lizzie's. I am more tired, but I'm sure that has a lot to do with chasing around Lizzie.
We are doing OK, we did end up at Fort Drum, for those of you that hadn't' heard. NY is not what i expected. This is a smaller post than Ft Bragg, so its taking some to get used to, Watertown is about 20-25 minutes away, depending on traffic. They have some nicer restaurants, but from what i understand, they only got here in the last year and a half.
Lizzie is doing well, she's growing and her personality is expanding. She is very independent, despite the sudden clingyness she's experiencing, but its the age and its not as bad as other kids I've heard about so that's good. She has a head full of huge curls, she turned 20 months last Friday and at her 18 month appt (2 months ago) she weighed 24.9 lbs and was 32.5 inches tall. She wears 18months to 3Ts, yes, a large range. lol. She SEEMS very excited to be getting a new baby. She hugs and kisses my belly, announces baby to everyone whenever she see's one, lifts up my shirt and announces when we're out that there is a baby in there. She knows the baby's stuff is in the baby's' room, so we'll see. She watches birth day and baby story with me.
The baby is a boy, his name will be Aric James. As of yesterday, they are guesstimating that he is 4 to 4.5 lbs right now. He has hair as well. He is a big mover and loves to move at night before i go to sleep. tomorrow he will be 32 weeks along. I have been told they will not stop labor after 34 weeks. He will be born in Syracuse, as opposed to up here, as they are being overly cautious due to my heart, no reason for them to be, they just are.
Kevin's unit is deploying in a few weeks. He is not deploying in a few weeks, but he is deploying in Jan or so. I'm thankful that he gets to be home for the birth and has time for connection with Aric and Lizzie. She just loves her daddy so much, i hope that she transitions well to having a brother and to her daddy leaving again.
The weather here is crazy. when we got here in may, it was in the 40s, now its high of 70, still cold. we've had hot days, but nothing like down in NC, but when you get used to 60s, 80s seems hot. lol. I guess that's cause we're so close to Canada. (30 miles or so)
I am doing OK for the most part, this pregnancy has been harder on my body than Lizzie's. I am more tired, but I'm sure that has a lot to do with chasing around Lizzie.
My Sons Birth Story... as my mind remembered it, a month after he was born (in 07)
I'm deleting my myspace stuff and came across this story and thought that i should keep it, so i put it here in my blog :)
don't' think me a wimp...
..> ..>
Last Sunday (sept 23), I'd been contracting off and on for weeks, well, when i woke up, i started having more.. i thought nothing of it, as even when they start out at 4 minutes apart, within a few hours they move to 5 then 7 then 9 then 15, etc.. well, i got ready and we went to church.. after a half an hour, i was like, hmm, maybe i had better start timing them again.. so i did, had some that were 5 some that were 4 and some that were 2 minutes apart, none lasting less than a minute or so. so, after an hour of being at church, i whispered that we should go get checked "just in case" but they'll just send me home doing nothing as usual.
I was SO close to saying, lets get some food first, as we'll probably be there at least an hour, but, i didn't' (who knows why) and we got there, they got my info, i saw the ONE doc that was really nice to me (he was the on call doc) and then they said they were cleaning a room and had me go wait in the waiting room... so, at least a half an hour later, they finally came and got me.
i got in the room, did the normal stuff and got hooked up finally. they showed some contractions, but they were already spacing themselves. doc came in and said if anythings changing, we'll get transport arranged to go to Syracuse. well, i FINALLY had done some progressing. i was previously 2 and 50 and was finally 3 and 75. so, he says we'll arrange transport, and before they take you, I'll check you again, if you aren't a 5 yet, we'll send you down, if you are, then we'll keep you. Then they sent someone from the ICU department up with a machine, hand held telemetry... the one thing that made me have to deliver in Syracuse, cause they "couldn't do it there" grrr
Then the contractions started getting harder... and closer. i ended up asking for something for the pain (yes, I'm a wuss!!) they checked me again and i was 4 and 75, they got my iv put in and started antibiotics (for my heart) and then gave me 10mg of Nubian. IMMEDIATELY, i got sillier than the mad hatter. I felt SO much better. but the doc made the mistake of saying that i could have a Popsicle and then was gone for almost 20 minutes... well, after 5, all you heard from me was where is it? where is my Popsicle...lol... he came back in to say that the transport service was finally there, and all i could say is you forgot my Popsicle. He says, oops, i did, didn't' i?
So i got my Popsicle and they moved me to the ambulance bed. they made me stay on my side (blah) for the horribly bumpy ride down, needless to say, so much for the Popsicle i had. (eww)
I got to Syracuse, they checked me in, got me hooked up and my contractions had slowed down some. Liz was waiting for me when i got there, but since i sent hubby back home for some things, he and Lizzie hadn't' made it there yet (of course), so she stayed with me for a while. (thank you again so much!!) they checked me and i was a "tight 5" and 50%.. WHY?? lol....
(things are already getting fuzzy from this point on) i remember i started getting stronger contractions after this and asked for some Nubian again. they don't' give that down there and said they'd see what they could give me. forever and a day later, they came back said they had to do research on what they could give me that wouldn't' react badly to the Nubian. so, i got a shot of demmoral and phenegrin (half in the bootay and half in my IV). NOT fun... I puked again from that.
by the "end" of the night, i was STILL a 5 and 50% (according to them) Still contracting, still hurting, i continued through the night. and in the morning... Someone came in and said they would start pitossin at 10 (they hadn't' decided what they would do the night before, whether keep me or send me home) so, i asked if i could be unhooked to shower and take a few laps around the floor. got my wish granted, did that.
at 10, they came, changed out my IV. i asked when they would start the pit, and they said it was already started. i was like, oh okay. they started it at 6ml... and every 15-30 minutes they came in and upped it. I ate jello ( they didn't' tell me i could have jello the day before) after jello, just to " have something on my stomach" as they wouldn't' let me have anything other than "clear fluids"
well, by the time it was pushed up to 90ml, i was dying. Crying, screaming, the whole spill... they came in and checked me and guess what?? 5 and 50%!! it had been a LONG day and i was miserable and NO change, i was pissed off and in pain and tired and hungry and mad! the one nurse was going to have mercy on me and turned off the pit, and was going to get me stadol (yes the THIRD narcotic....) so, she went to get the stadol and turned off the pit, after i got the stadol, then someone else came in and said no, put it back on, we're going to break her water in a bit. at this point, i am MAD... i tell them, give me the epidural first, i really don't' want you to break my water, i can't have a c-section, I'm a heart patient (DUH!!) and am NOT supposed to have this! plus, i was under the impression (from the peri) that i wasn't' supposed to have to have too much pain, as that was not good for me.... little did i know they didn't' give a hoot!
so, the nurse turned the pit back on, but put it back to 60ml. but the contractions and pain didn't' stop, the stadol did NOTHING for me but made me super loopy when there was no contraction and just as much pain when there was. so, i went from loooooooooooooopy to screaming... i dunno how long i was like that, they came in and broke my water... that was weird.. my water didn't' break like that with Lizzie, i had a slow leak... it almost hurt, felt like they stuck that thing waaaaaaaaaay to my ribcage.... i told them i had to pee. They said in a minute, and when i sat up for them to do my epidural, water gushed and i peed too (at least i think i did... i was very confused at this time and was like, i peed, but its a lot, there's a puddle on the floor (which got bigger and bigger with each contraction)
SO, i finally got my epidural.... the numbing shot HURTS, lol. but they got it in without too much trouble, and as i got the first part of it, it all went to one leg, then some got to the other leg, but my right was defiantly more numb than my left, so i had to lay on my left side. this was probably about 730.... maybe a little later. they checked me again, i was 6 and 80% (bout stinking time!! lol)
they all left my room and hubby and i turned on the tv, it was first night for new shows, so hubby saw how i met your mother, i asked them to turn my bed so i could see it, they did but lectured me and said they'd have to move it back when it was time to deliver (DUH!) lol. the new show "big bang theory" started next, i felt the weirdest contraction it was finally number than the other ones where i was still holding the bed rail and crying (yes with the epi) but something was happening. i banged on the nurse buzzer and said somethings' going on, there is way more pain and pressure and someone needs to get in here. eventually (probably 5-10 minutes later) someone came in and said its the baby moving down, when you are having more steady pain we'll check you.. that ticked me off again - are you serious???
so, next contraction, it was there and wasn't' going away. I banged on teh nurse call button again and said someone needs to come in here NOW. so, after another waiting period, someone came and i said LOTS of pressure and pain! so they turned me over to my back check and said a baby's coming. they moved my bed back, we turned off the tv and i began the biggest marathon of pushing ever.
Several times i said i couldn't' do it, i screamed and because i was doing that, it wasn't pushing. when he was starting to crown, they had me reach down and feel (that was weird!) and i pushed and pushed and pushed, his head finally came out, but then his shoulders were next. i pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and they finally came out, then i had to push again to get that belly out! lol. two pushes later, he was born. They laid him on my chest. he was pale, so i started rubbing him like they showed on tv. they let me do that for a minute or so, then took him to the warmer. they roughly rubbed him and started to get him to pink up and finally give a weak cry. they kept it up and he finally got mad and made a strong cry.
I got him back a few minutes later after they checked for tears and got the placenta out. No tears, no cuts! And he nursed... and nursed, and nursed, lol. for an hour!
So, my little 7lb 19 inch guy wanted out then took his time, but he's here and loved very much.
sorry it took me a while to write this, and sorry that it took so long to write it! (i actually left out more!) thanks for reading.
don't' think me a wimp...
..> ..>
Last Sunday (sept 23), I'd been contracting off and on for weeks, well, when i woke up, i started having more.. i thought nothing of it, as even when they start out at 4 minutes apart, within a few hours they move to 5 then 7 then 9 then 15, etc.. well, i got ready and we went to church.. after a half an hour, i was like, hmm, maybe i had better start timing them again.. so i did, had some that were 5 some that were 4 and some that were 2 minutes apart, none lasting less than a minute or so. so, after an hour of being at church, i whispered that we should go get checked "just in case" but they'll just send me home doing nothing as usual.
I was SO close to saying, lets get some food first, as we'll probably be there at least an hour, but, i didn't' (who knows why) and we got there, they got my info, i saw the ONE doc that was really nice to me (he was the on call doc) and then they said they were cleaning a room and had me go wait in the waiting room... so, at least a half an hour later, they finally came and got me.
i got in the room, did the normal stuff and got hooked up finally. they showed some contractions, but they were already spacing themselves. doc came in and said if anythings changing, we'll get transport arranged to go to Syracuse. well, i FINALLY had done some progressing. i was previously 2 and 50 and was finally 3 and 75. so, he says we'll arrange transport, and before they take you, I'll check you again, if you aren't a 5 yet, we'll send you down, if you are, then we'll keep you. Then they sent someone from the ICU department up with a machine, hand held telemetry... the one thing that made me have to deliver in Syracuse, cause they "couldn't do it there" grrr
Then the contractions started getting harder... and closer. i ended up asking for something for the pain (yes, I'm a wuss!!) they checked me again and i was 4 and 75, they got my iv put in and started antibiotics (for my heart) and then gave me 10mg of Nubian. IMMEDIATELY, i got sillier than the mad hatter. I felt SO much better. but the doc made the mistake of saying that i could have a Popsicle and then was gone for almost 20 minutes... well, after 5, all you heard from me was where is it? where is my Popsicle...lol... he came back in to say that the transport service was finally there, and all i could say is you forgot my Popsicle. He says, oops, i did, didn't' i?
So i got my Popsicle and they moved me to the ambulance bed. they made me stay on my side (blah) for the horribly bumpy ride down, needless to say, so much for the Popsicle i had. (eww)
I got to Syracuse, they checked me in, got me hooked up and my contractions had slowed down some. Liz was waiting for me when i got there, but since i sent hubby back home for some things, he and Lizzie hadn't' made it there yet (of course), so she stayed with me for a while. (thank you again so much!!) they checked me and i was a "tight 5" and 50%.. WHY?? lol....
(things are already getting fuzzy from this point on) i remember i started getting stronger contractions after this and asked for some Nubian again. they don't' give that down there and said they'd see what they could give me. forever and a day later, they came back said they had to do research on what they could give me that wouldn't' react badly to the Nubian. so, i got a shot of demmoral and phenegrin (half in the bootay and half in my IV). NOT fun... I puked again from that.
by the "end" of the night, i was STILL a 5 and 50% (according to them) Still contracting, still hurting, i continued through the night. and in the morning... Someone came in and said they would start pitossin at 10 (they hadn't' decided what they would do the night before, whether keep me or send me home) so, i asked if i could be unhooked to shower and take a few laps around the floor. got my wish granted, did that.
at 10, they came, changed out my IV. i asked when they would start the pit, and they said it was already started. i was like, oh okay. they started it at 6ml... and every 15-30 minutes they came in and upped it. I ate jello ( they didn't' tell me i could have jello the day before) after jello, just to " have something on my stomach" as they wouldn't' let me have anything other than "clear fluids"
well, by the time it was pushed up to 90ml, i was dying. Crying, screaming, the whole spill... they came in and checked me and guess what?? 5 and 50%!! it had been a LONG day and i was miserable and NO change, i was pissed off and in pain and tired and hungry and mad! the one nurse was going to have mercy on me and turned off the pit, and was going to get me stadol (yes the THIRD narcotic....) so, she went to get the stadol and turned off the pit, after i got the stadol, then someone else came in and said no, put it back on, we're going to break her water in a bit. at this point, i am MAD... i tell them, give me the epidural first, i really don't' want you to break my water, i can't have a c-section, I'm a heart patient (DUH!!) and am NOT supposed to have this! plus, i was under the impression (from the peri) that i wasn't' supposed to have to have too much pain, as that was not good for me.... little did i know they didn't' give a hoot!
so, the nurse turned the pit back on, but put it back to 60ml. but the contractions and pain didn't' stop, the stadol did NOTHING for me but made me super loopy when there was no contraction and just as much pain when there was. so, i went from loooooooooooooopy to screaming... i dunno how long i was like that, they came in and broke my water... that was weird.. my water didn't' break like that with Lizzie, i had a slow leak... it almost hurt, felt like they stuck that thing waaaaaaaaaay to my ribcage.... i told them i had to pee. They said in a minute, and when i sat up for them to do my epidural, water gushed and i peed too (at least i think i did... i was very confused at this time and was like, i peed, but its a lot, there's a puddle on the floor (which got bigger and bigger with each contraction)
SO, i finally got my epidural.... the numbing shot HURTS, lol. but they got it in without too much trouble, and as i got the first part of it, it all went to one leg, then some got to the other leg, but my right was defiantly more numb than my left, so i had to lay on my left side. this was probably about 730.... maybe a little later. they checked me again, i was 6 and 80% (bout stinking time!! lol)
they all left my room and hubby and i turned on the tv, it was first night for new shows, so hubby saw how i met your mother, i asked them to turn my bed so i could see it, they did but lectured me and said they'd have to move it back when it was time to deliver (DUH!) lol. the new show "big bang theory" started next, i felt the weirdest contraction it was finally number than the other ones where i was still holding the bed rail and crying (yes with the epi) but something was happening. i banged on the nurse buzzer and said somethings' going on, there is way more pain and pressure and someone needs to get in here. eventually (probably 5-10 minutes later) someone came in and said its the baby moving down, when you are having more steady pain we'll check you.. that ticked me off again - are you serious???
so, next contraction, it was there and wasn't' going away. I banged on teh nurse call button again and said someone needs to come in here NOW. so, after another waiting period, someone came and i said LOTS of pressure and pain! so they turned me over to my back check and said a baby's coming. they moved my bed back, we turned off the tv and i began the biggest marathon of pushing ever.
Several times i said i couldn't' do it, i screamed and because i was doing that, it wasn't pushing. when he was starting to crown, they had me reach down and feel (that was weird!) and i pushed and pushed and pushed, his head finally came out, but then his shoulders were next. i pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed and they finally came out, then i had to push again to get that belly out! lol. two pushes later, he was born. They laid him on my chest. he was pale, so i started rubbing him like they showed on tv. they let me do that for a minute or so, then took him to the warmer. they roughly rubbed him and started to get him to pink up and finally give a weak cry. they kept it up and he finally got mad and made a strong cry.
I got him back a few minutes later after they checked for tears and got the placenta out. No tears, no cuts! And he nursed... and nursed, and nursed, lol. for an hour!
So, my little 7lb 19 inch guy wanted out then took his time, but he's here and loved very much.
sorry it took me a while to write this, and sorry that it took so long to write it! (i actually left out more!) thanks for reading.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Rambling About Age...
In two weeks I will be 35… I know it’s not old. It just seems so “twilight zone-ish.” I feel like I’ve not actually had all my 35 years sometimes.. it's like suddenly I’ve aged without knowing. My babies are going to be 3 and 5 soon. That doesn’t seem to be real either.. feel like I have a million thoughts in my head going a trillion miles an hour and it’s like hard to keep up with everything.
Sad thing is, I didn’t’ have this much “trouble” accepting turning 30… that was a cake walk. This milestone is just like a HEY did know you are aging quickly? Sometimes I feel like HS was just a few years ago and sometimes I feel like it was another life ago. There are so many things that I had planned on doing in my life. And its like, umm your life is moving, you had better catch up!
Yep, just rambling for now… lol. It’s just unreal for me; still not sure why. I’ve always believed age was just a number. But now that I’ve hit a number that is apparently something that bothers me, lol.
Anyways, just a ramble.. :D
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