Ok, so I've barely mentioned my hubby. That doesn't do him justice! at all! I keep saying, ok, i need to blog this so it shows exactly how awesome he is. and i forget... Not hard to do being that I feel like I've got a million balls in the air. I normally have a ton of things going on at once, and still forget, but when he's here, he helps me out, gives me my sanity and just is comforting. But when he's gone, its a whole new ball game. Things i don't' have to normally think about, i have to remember. For instance, i don't do the trash, kitty litter, feed the kitties, and put the kids to bed and stuff like that. Now i have to do it all and remember to do it.
This year, i had a harder time starting out, i think that I let myself just get too wrapped up in everything and just forgot that i can do it, and kept telling myself that i couldn't. I don't' WANT to, but i CAN. A supportive, loving hubby insures that the transition will be fine.. when you listen and just relax. But of course, i didn't.. and found myself almost spiraling out of control. Something that I ended up doing was made myself think the worst, and not realize that it was ok, that i can do it. So, with the stress and everything that was going on, you know, 2 kids now, one infant, one toddler, well in to the terrible twos, 2 cats, a 2 story house to take care of, finish organizing everything, just seemed to pile on top of me.
And i let it sit there for a while.. getting heavier and heavier to where i thought i couldn't' breath.. Then i finally asked for help.. of course, it came in the form of a pill. Then a different one, then a new dosage... all in a VERY short time frame. (all prescription for depression, nothing else) They never had a chance to get into my system and start to work. But, i think that just asking for the help, made me realize that it is ok, whether mommy needs to take a few extra minutes in the shower for alone time, or needs to cuddle one of the kids extra long, it is OK. I will be ok.
And he never doubted that i could do it. Even when i started to allow myself to freak out cause i lean on him so much, that he still KNEW i could do it. and, 2 weeks later, i know i can too.
He is awesome, and i have so much love and respect for him, that i could never express it well enough to make my point. We've been together over 8 years now, and regardless of how much junk we deal with or go through, we're here, together, and i thank God for that.
I think that God allows him to go (this is his THIRD time) so that i will remember to give God thanks and bless Him (God) for giving me my sweet Kevin. Cause, sometimes, i forget to be thankful.. and that is just so NOT good. Sometimes, i KNOW i smother Kevin with too much "neediness" cause i forget that God is there to lean on too. He (God) gave me life and my family, and I've been doubly blessed far and above than i deserve. Sometimes, i need that "kick in the pants" to remember that.
No comments:
Post a Comment