Just Some Jokes

Everyone needs to laugh now and then. :-D




1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.


2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.


3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?
They Take The Psycho Path


4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.


5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!


6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroids


7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick


8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.


9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.


10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko..


11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.


12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman with A Vampire?
Frostbite


13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.


14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.


15. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.


16. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.


17. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.


18. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.


19. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.


20. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer



Yes, some are just groaners, but some are pretty cute!! Thanks Julia for posting them!

Are You Sane??

I've had a song in my head lately, its from Dr. Demento

Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees and begged
You not to leave
Because I'd go berserk?

Well!

You left me anyhow and then
The days got worse and worse
And now you see I've gone
Completely out of my mind.

And

They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho
Hee-hee-haa-haa

To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those
Nice young men in their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!

You thought it was a joke
and so you laughed, you laughed,
when I had said that losing you
would make me flip my lid.

Right?

You know you laughed
I heard you laugh
You laughed, you laughed
and laughed and then you left but
Now you know I'm utterly mad

And

They're coming to take me away, ha-ha,
They're coming to take me away, ho-ho,
hee hee, haa haa

To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket-weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, ha-hahaha...

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house,
And this is how you pay me back for
All my kind, unselfish, loving deeds,

Hah?

Well you just wait, they'll find you yet
And when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangey mutt!

And

They're coming to take me away, Ha-ha
They're coming to take me away, Ho-ho
Hee-hee-haa-haa

To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see those
Nice young men in their clean white coats and
They're coming to take me away, ha-ha!

To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket-weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they're coming to take me away, ha-hahaha...

To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I'll be happy to see.....

If you've never heard it, you gotta find it on line and listen to it! It will be stuck in your head for years... i haven't heard it anywhere but my head since 1997......

found this link on youtube... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8v_EjCKpVU&feature=related

Giving Thanks for Hubby

Ok, so I've barely mentioned my hubby. That doesn't do him justice! at all! I keep saying, ok, i need to blog this so it shows exactly how awesome he is. and i forget... Not hard to do being that I feel like I've got a million balls in the air. I normally have a ton of things going on at once, and still forget, but when he's here, he helps me out, gives me my sanity and just is comforting. But when he's gone, its a whole new ball game. Things i don't' have to normally think about, i have to remember. For instance, i don't do the trash, kitty litter, feed the kitties, and put the kids to bed and stuff like that. Now i have to do it all and remember to do it.

This year, i had a harder time starting out, i think that I let myself just get too wrapped up in everything and just forgot that i can do it, and kept telling myself that i couldn't. I don't' WANT to, but i CAN. A supportive, loving hubby insures that the transition will be fine.. when you listen and just relax. But of course, i didn't.. and found myself almost spiraling out of control. Something that I ended up doing was made myself think the worst, and not realize that it was ok, that i can do it. So, with the stress and everything that was going on, you know, 2 kids now, one infant, one toddler, well in to the terrible twos, 2 cats, a 2 story house to take care of, finish organizing everything, just seemed to pile on top of me.

And i let it sit there for a while.. getting heavier and heavier to where i thought i couldn't' breath.. Then i finally asked for help.. of course, it came in the form of a pill. Then a different one, then a new dosage... all in a VERY short time frame. (all prescription for depression, nothing else) They never had a chance to get into my system and start to work. But, i think that just asking for the help, made me realize that it is ok, whether mommy needs to take a few extra minutes in the shower for alone time, or needs to cuddle one of the kids extra long, it is OK. I will be ok.

And he never doubted that i could do it. Even when i started to allow myself to freak out cause i lean on him so much, that he still KNEW i could do it. and, 2 weeks later, i know i can too.

He is awesome, and i have so much love and respect for him, that i could never express it well enough to make my point. We've been together over 8 years now, and regardless of how much junk we deal with or go through, we're here, together, and i thank God for that.

I think that God allows him to go (this is his THIRD time) so that i will remember to give God thanks and bless Him (God) for giving me my sweet Kevin. Cause, sometimes, i forget to be thankful.. and that is just so NOT good. Sometimes, i KNOW i smother Kevin with too much "neediness" cause i forget that God is there to lean on too. He (God) gave me life and my family, and I've been doubly blessed far and above than i deserve. Sometimes, i need that "kick in the pants" to remember that.

The Longest Day Ever

I really do wish i knew why when you are feeling your worst that the kids act up or need you the most... I woke up at 230 am with the fun little "present" my kids had, meaning the stomach flu or bug or something. Anyway, i started yakking and didn't' really stop for hours and hours.. It bit! I would be like, ok, its gotta be 10 now, and it was still 630. Time just dragged big time.

When i put Lizzie down for her nap, i was shocked to see it was *only* 130 and not the 430 it felt like. I don't' think I've ever had time drag on like i did today.

oh well, I've had a sleeve of saltines and some ginger ale today. I just had two pieces of bread with some butter on them, so hopefully they will stay down and not want out. *sigh* This new drug makes me really sleepy.. I am wondering if i am used to it or i puked it out this morning... as i was dragging today, but I'm sure it had to do more with lack of nutrition, being up really early and all the puking, and not my pill... who knows...

Don't' forget to spring forward at 2am! Hopefully, i WON"T be awake to do it!

Getting help when you need it

I am not a person that likes to ask for help when it comes to me. I will ask for help for someone else, but not me. I hate to show vulnerability. But, when you need help, you need help and if you don't' reach out that is not a good thing.

So, I realized about a week before hubby deployed that i needed help. And i ignored it, and ignored it, till the day before he left. Then i reached out and asked. and of course, i couldn't 'get help right away. Not till a few days later and past a weekend. Well, the first course of antidepressants i got was not for me. 2 days later and i was like no way, cant' do it, the side effects are bad.. So, i got put on something else. I'm on my 1st day still, about to take dose number 2 in an hour or so. It makes me SLEEPY. I hope that is just temporary, cause the kids don't sleep past 7 or 8 if they can help it.

And of course, they BOTH got sick. I think Lizzie's over it. Hopefully Aric will be over it soon. blah. Sickies suck!

Aric rolled over ONCE, just ONCE, but he did it, now if he can just remember what he did to do it, he he.

Sorry i haven't written lately, i will do better to keep this up.

Vacation.

On vacation and the weather is still cold and now, as of today snowy, blah. In MA and just taking it easy for a week and a half vacation. Less than a week till my hero, my love, has to leave and do the hero thing. I am proud of him, even though it really isn't my idea of a way to spend a year. (alone. :-( )



The kids are showing that they're in a different place and acting up some, their sleep was messed up for the first week as well, which means it will probably be icky for a week or so when we get home. I hope that Lizzie adjusts well. She just loves her daddy and if she had the choice, its daddy, always has been.



Aric is doing better, he's not had a treatment in a few days, and seems to be his happy self. His appetite is completely back. He's still a little cranky as everything is different here for him, he is used to being able to expend a ton of energy in his jumparoo, but there is nothing here for him to do that in, except if he uses my tummy or thighs for him to jump on.. unfortunately for me, they are, in Aric's opinion, wonderful for jumping on, lol. Guess I'm just too squishy, lol.



We were supposed to go to a crop tonight, but it snowed all day. My SIL was supposed to call me after 3 and let me know if it was for sure cancelled, but i heard nothing, so i had to assume it was. I like to scrap, i especially like to scrap with other people, its great for motivation. Oh well.



Lizzie's' become a little stripper AGAIN, what her fascination with taking off her sleeper and diaper i Just don't know... oh well. Maybe its just another short phase.



We leave on Monday to come home. Its always nice to go home, no matter where you are or how long you've been gone. I hope the cats are fine, i haven't been able to get in touch with my friend, yet..



More later my readers!

V-Day and sickies and leaving

Valentines day is tomorrow. I always get so excited at any holiday where it is possible that i might get a gift from my hubby. I love to get presents and always get excited when a package comes in the mail (even though its usually something i bought). Christmas is a time when my expectation goes through the roof as well. :-D Yep, like a big kid. Christmas, our anniversary and then valentines day, 3 months in a row.

I love to buy gifts as well, sometimes i do better than others, but i try. Kids are fun to shop for, they're pretty easy, as is my hubby, he likes a few things and every now and then something different.

My hubby does very good when it comes to getting me a present. I used to get them just because, but now its cut down alot cause i tend to just get what i want when i want. lol, and i complain that I dont' get any "extras" any more.. gee i wonder why, lol. Oh well. It just shows that you're being thought of. Its nice!

My sweet hubby is leaving again. I know its a necessary evil, but it sucks all the same. I hope that I have hte strength that hubby beleives i do to take care of the kids. I think that everyone is getting better, thank God, i was loosing it. I hate the sickies, they've visited one too many times! I plan on being more active and participating in outside activities more, so i think that will help alot.

I love you sweetie!!

Ok, gotta cut this short, gotta give the little guy his treatment and put him to bed. Be so glad when he's not sick anymore!

(spell checker is STILL not working!!)

My Sick Little Guy

RSV has hit the house. fun fun. I kept taking him to the docs and was getting teed off at getting told that he "just had a cold" again. Tonight he sounded bad. Like he was drowning bad. the cough sounded extra wet, he spit up his last bottle, etc.. then came the wheezing. this was about 8, and i wasn't sure what to do. So i called the Accute care clinic, who tells me we have no more available appts for the night (its 830, they close at 9) They say (cause i'm like about to cry on the phone with them) that i can call 911 and the ambulance will come and the Emts will evaluate him. I'm like, uh, i dont' want to have that big co-pay just for them to tell me its in my head.. she said these are ft. drum ambulance/emts, so there is no copay and it will be ok, no one will think bad of you for calling. So, i wait a few more times, embarrassed to call 911, certain they were going to tell me that it was nothing.

But i just had to, so i did, they showed up within 5-10 minutes. First the fire department showed up, then the police, then the ambulance. maybe 8-10 people?? THey make sure that he's not dying then all leave but the EMTs. The lady says that she can hear him wheezing, but he seems so happy, that i can probably wait till morning to take him in, or i can have them take us, or we can drive him to teh ER. So i start crying again and finally say, lets go. Of course, all this time he's smiling and just having a grand ole time with the lady giving all her attention to him. (which i think is part of the reason that she was like he's probably ok, my kids never act sick unless they are SICK SICK)

He gets a nebulizer treatment in the ambulance and falls asleep. We get to the ER and they take him back while i fill out forms. i finally get back there and they are just about to finish up his O2 stats (they were 95 yesterday and at the house) and they were 97 in the hospital. They get a rectal temp and its 99. Then the nurse says you gotta get those boogies sucked out... (here's where i roll my eyes) I told her i try, i use the saline and dont' use the saline, either way it pisses him off and next to nothing comes out most of the time. She tells me she needs to suck out his boogies and you're going to think he's drowning; he'll cough, he'll gag; he'll do everythign that will make you think its bad, but he'll be fine. So, i sit by as she nearly drowns him (I start crying again) with hte saline and starts sucking... she gets not even one decent amount of booger. shes like its up there, just must be up in his sinus'. I'm like yep, and i dont' feel like sucking my baby's brain out. So they take it and say they'll test it for rsv and the flu.

I wait FOREVER for them to come back... in the meantime. the doc comes in and i have to say all over again what's wrong and he has to listen to him again. Then i say he was just in teh docs yesterday and they keep saying its a cold. The ladies earlier were testing for the flu and rsv and i haven't heard anything. He says i'll do the test for rsv, but without a fever its not the flu. I said NO, the ladies just a while ago tested and haven't told me anything, he says oh, i thought you meant yesterday. (can we give him a pop and say should have had a v8??) Why don't they talk to each other?? So he also orders a chest x-ray, cause he can hear the rattling. (yay, a doc believes me!!)

In the meantime, hubby and lizzie are still in the waiting room (they came by truck) and i finally flag someone down and get them to let them come in. A few minutes later, he gets another nebulizer treatment. After a while, they let me and Aric go back for his X-ray... If you have never experienced one of these things... consider yourself blessed!! my poor little chubby (19lbs 1 oz) guy!! They have him sit up on a teeny tiny bicycle seat (i swear that's what it looked like!!) then put his arms above his head and hold them there, while putting plastic peices on each side of him to hold him still, then put a strap around it to "keep him still" My poor little man was sooooooo peeved! He screamed bloody murder, and they were just in shock, he was moving stuff around that he shouldnt 'have been able to. They're like wow he's strong. I'm liek um yeah... what did you expect?? So they take the two or three chest x-rays and he's allowed out of the contraption.

we go back to the room where i get him calmed down and he falls asleep, absolutely worn out. Doc finally comes in and says he has RSV. I am like thank you, i knew it was more than just a cold. And am i thankful my little guys not a very little guy!! So, arrangements were made to pick up the prescription for the nebulizer this morning and the equipment was supposed to be here about 930, they called me at 7 and said they'd be here at 8. Aric sleept in his infant seat last night in his crib. Its was a LONG day.

He got his first treatment this morning. Ate some more and then, promptly spewed his bottle he had before the treatment... i dunno if he had too much or if its cause of hte treatment. He's sleeping now and has 1-2 hours before a new treatment is available.

BOO HISS to docs that are too busy to run a simple test!

Dry Brain Today

You ever have those days when you sit down to write and nothing comes to mind?? That day is here. Okay, so I did the bad thing, the big no no when it comes to writing. NOTHING. I've left this open for several hours! Half forgotten and half not sure what to say.

One time, for a blind date I went on a camping trip with this guy and his family. He was younger, like 4 or 5 years younger than me. I was at a particularly low point in my life and pretty vulnerable. But, I thought he was cute, I liked him, but was too shy to ask him out, so my boss did. So, it wasn't like a "blind date" in the traditional sense, but I had no clue who he was besides the works coke deliveryman.

I went to his house to meet him there and follow, and I brought my big dog Sampson with me. (Hey, I might have been semi desperate for human contact, but I wasn't stupid!!) I met the family and they were sweet, they just adored their son. We were going out early to scope the site and to set up and they'd be there a few hours behind. So, I don’t know if we took his truck or mine, but me him and Sampson packed in one of the vehicles and we talked for the hour or so that it took us to get there. This guy was sweet and smart and had a plan for his life. A good one. The problem was, he was including my dog(s) and me in that plan... and we had really just met. Kind of spooked me. ALOT. I mean, who makes plans for life so soon??

To be fair, if I had been at ANY point in my life besides where I was, I would have probably taken him up on the offer no problem, no looking back. Wasn't sure how I would have dealt with the truckers life, but I would have figured it out. Did I consider?? Heck yeah! He was smart and cute and sweet, but I wasn’t' ready for marriage again and wanted to really know all secrets before jumping into that boat. Again.

The weekend was great; I had picked out a great sleeping bag that went to -15, so no need for any other body heat than my own. And he picked a hill to pitch the tent on, put me on top of the hill, in case "I tossed or turned and fell down the hill, then I’d be close to him" lol. So funny, so sweet, nope he didn’t' try anything all weekend. Yep, we kissed, but that was all. He did help me face my fear of heights though.. I stood on top of this HIGH boulder and jumped into his arms. Waaaay down into the water below. Sampson, the ever protector, stood up there and barked, at me. Took me forever to jump. I'd start, then stop turning around and getting away from the edge, I don’t know how many times I did that. Telling him I’d kill him if he didn’t' catch me. (I can't swim either, so that wasn’t' helping matters at all)

Sometimes, its good to have fond memories to look back on. Even if they make you confirm you made the right choice all along.

(Growl!! what is up with the spell check anymore???)

Long days

Ahhh, the joys of kids! Yesterday was interesting. After a really bad weather day, it was good to get out of the house. Of course, both kids were a little under the weather, but I needed to go to a few places. Aric was supposed to have his 4 months appt, but it was rescheduled for the next day. So, off we went. First we went to the thrift store, I was hoping for a Dora toddler bed, but, they didn't have it, they were JUST getting in a toddler bed, all white, though. So, I was like whoopee, and it was mine. Then, we left there and stopped by the house, long enough to drop off the bed, and then back out again. Lizzie had fallen asleep, so I was like, that’s' ok, she needs it. She was grumpy and tired. As I was getting into the city, I got a call on my cell, seems I am a dope and forgot that I had signed up for snacks for PWOC! D'oh!! Luckily. there were only a couple of ladies there. I felt soo bad!! I didn’t' go because the kids were hacking up lungs and even though Lizzie's on an antibiotic, I didn’t' want anyone upset that she was there. Anyway, I was invited to a "play date" at McDonalds, and since I was starving, I said ok, I said the kids are sick and Lizzie's on an antibiotic. She said that's fine, so we get there, and I wake her up, grab Aric and we go in. I order lunch, Lizzie’s having a blast in the playground; I call her to come out and eat, and it takes a while, being that this is her second time in there she can't figure out how-to get out for a second. When she does, I have her squish in and give her her nuggets and ranch dressing. (Her soup, as she calls it) Everything's going fine, she drinks her chocolate milk and almost 2 chicken nuggets with lots of ranch... then it happens, one cough too much, too deep and BAM, vomit and spew all over the seat and her clothes! Ugh, what was I thinking giving her ranch... should have just stuck with the apples... blah, so we start picking it up and wiping her off and I am offered my friends’ sons' clothes... I at first declined, as he wears a 4t and Lizzie doesn't, but finally I was like, well, since she's acting normal and wanting to play, yeah, let me borrow them and get her out of the pukies. So I change her and am surprised that the biggest thing is that they're just too long, the waist isn’t' nearly as big as I thought it would be. and the shirt isn’t' that big either. She plays a little longer and then I feel its time to get out of there for our errands. I change both the kids and we leave, it’s been 2+ hours. We go to Big Lots, I’m hoping for a Dora basket organizer thing, but they only have plain, I take it. I grab a few other things as well, then it’s off to Michaels for Dora Stickers, then the Dollar Tree and then to staples (all walking with the double stroller) At this point, Lizzie has peed THROUGH her diaper and all over the front seat of the stroller. *sigh* no extra pants... I realize I am NOT going to make it to Sam’s Club for formula today, so I head towards the Wal-Mart close to home to get some mucinex for coughs. Lizzie falls asleep again. When we get to Wal-Mart, I pull the double stroller out again and put her sleeping in the back and put Aric in the front. Get through the whole store, grabbing a few things, get Aric a new car seat, as he's outgrowing his newborn one, get the stuff paid for, get ready to leave the store, after a quick stop at subway for dinner, and Lizzie wakes up. I load the kids and stuff in the car and get home. It’s been a long day.
(Sorry spell checker doesn’t' seem to be working)